Improving Your Life Archives

Is your mental selfie robbing your peace of mind?

April 14, 2021Kristin Zhivago

A deep, unshakable peace of mind comes from knowing who you are and being OK with how you see yourself. The surest way to upset that peace of mind, and to be in a constant state of mental turmoil, is to base your self-image on what others think of you. Or what you think others think of you. It’s like living your life in a perpetual “selfie state,” seeing yourself through their lens.

So if Mary is envious of your success, when you’re interacting with Mary you will feel like you are not worthy of that success. That you somehow cheated to get to where you are.

If Morgan is a liar, when you’re with Morgan, you will feel that you can’t be trusted.

If Sandy is super insecure, believing that she doesn’t measure up to others, when you are talking to Sandy, you will feel like you are somehow conceited and hurting Sandy’s feelings. Read more →

The most direct way to build your self-confidence

January 18, 2021Kristin Zhivago

Wikipedia defines self-confidence as “a state of being clear . . . that . . . a chosen course of action is the best or most effective. Confidence comes from a Latin word fidere, which means ‘to trust’; therefore, having self-confidence is having trust in one’s self.” Sums it up nicely. But the source of that trust is the truth—about yourself, the situation, and the people involved.

Internal peace—that calming, desirable frame of mind—comes from knowing the truth. It’s also the basis of the best decisions.

If you know the truth about yourself, the situation, and the people involved, your course of action is clear.

So the question is, how can you know the truth about these three factors? Read more →

business man with angel on one shoulder and devil on the other

A simple approach to getting a self-discipline breakthrough

December 31, 2020Kristin Zhivago

It’s true. We all have two voices whispering conflicting messages in our heads, at any given moment of any given day. “Oh, what the hell. You can afford to eat that one donut.” Versus “If you eat that donut, you will be a pound heavier tomorrow.” One voice wants us to do what is good for us; the other wants us to do what we know is not good for us.

If we followed the “good for us” voice all the time, we’d weigh what we would like to, get enough sleep, be incredibly productive, exercise regularly, hold our tongues when we should, and so on. If we follow the “bad for us” voice all the time, we’d end up fat, alone, broke, and unhappy.

The deciding factor? Self-discipline. Self-control. Or, if you prefer, a less “harsh” term: self-management.

This is the ability to take the “good” advice and ignore the “bad” advice. Learning how to do this is part of the growing up process. Read more →

How to be successful: Start with presence of mind

November 17, 2020Kristin Zhivago

I’m going to start by telling you a short romantic story. It is 100% true; I know, because I lived it. After, I will explain how this relates to how to be successful in your own life.

When I was twelve, my stepfather, who was not in any way nautical and had never done this before (or after), took me to a speed boat race being held in Mission Bay in San Diego. Being of an age when one starts thinking about such things, I found myself looking around at the men who were gathered there. Most of them could have come right out of that old “Grease” movie—hair greasy with gel, white T-shirts, with their cigarette packs rolled up into one of their T-shirt sleeves. “I could never marry anyone like that!” I thought to myself.

Then I turned to my left as I was facing the water, and there were two young guys walking up the hill with their backs to the water. One of them in particular caught my eye. There was something about him that stood out to me, something different, something deep and profound. “That’s the kind of man I would marry,” I thought. Read more →

How to be more productive at work: Urgency vs. intensity

October 22, 2020October 22, 2020Kristin Zhivago

We all have endless todo lists, deadlines, and obligations. We are always searching for how to be more productive at work and how to be more productive in life, period. But some part of us wants to simply relax, to actually enjoy life, and to chip away at our personal bucket list. This tug of war creates its own stress, on top of the stress that comes from trying to complete all those items on our todo list.

Personally, I have found stress to be something we create for ourselves. There actually is an answer to everything, if we apply ourselves and are patient about it. A sense of urgency actually distracts us from success; rather than focusing on the task at hand, it puts the emphasis on a negative thought: “I don’t think I can pull this off! What if I don’t make it?”

In fact, a certain kind of focused intensity solves many problems, at work and at home. Read more →

How to reduce stress: The lost art of comforting yourself

September 2, 2020Kristin Zhivago

You don’t see anyone comforting anyone else much anymore, anywhere, unless you are addicted to watching videos where someone super nice rescues a terribly neglected animal, or those videos where animals are snuggling up to people. And every so often, something like this pops up. But overall, it seems that so many are too rushed, too stressed, and too distracted by glowing screens to comfort others. There just aren’t very many good examples. That’s a shame, because the best answer to “how to reduce stress” is learning how to comfort yourself.

I think this is especially important now that we have so much bad news hanging over us. There is strife all around, and many of us are isolated in ways we never were before. If you learn how to comfort yourself, those “terrible” things become minor inconveniences that we know we will overcome. No matter what happens, we will have a friend at hand, ready to help us feel better and carry on. The peace you feel, once you have mastered this skill, will change your life. Read more →

How to always have enough money

August 11, 2020Kristin Zhivago

There are plenty of articles on the subject of budgeting, living within your means, and how to have enough money to live comfortably. They all basically say the same things: Don’t spend more than you make; create a budget and stick to it; learn how to say “no”; and always save a portion of what you make.

All absolutely sound advice, which, when taken, can help you meet a large part of the challenge. These things keep coming up because they work.

But I want to come at this from another angle. I want to talk about where money actually comes from, and how to make sure that you’re putting yourself in a position to earn enough. If you are not earning enough, even with careful budgeting and sound financial habits, you will always hear the wolf panting at the door. Read more →

How to live life to the fullest even though the world is broken

July 3, 2020Kristin Zhivago

My husband sums it up this way: “The world has always been going to hell in a handbasket. The trick is to stay out of the handbasket.” He is so right. And this great advice is at the core of, as they say, “living life to the fullest,” which is cliche talk for “how to have a great life.”

If you spend just 5 minutes a day catching up with the “news,” you can get really bummed. The news, by its very nature, is filled with seemingly unresolvable turmoil. That’s what makes it news; there is a problem that has not yet been solved, and needs to be.

Problems that have been solved are pretty boring. Read more →

The two keys to success in life: Kindness and common sense

June 4, 2020Kristin Zhivago

What does “success in life” really look like? It means that you are happy more than you are not; that you love and are loved; that you achieve what you set out to do; and you have very few disappointments. In fact, if you focus on the two main aspects of life that make everything else work, you may end up with no disappointments at all.

The two key aspects are kindness and common sense.

Kindness rocks

Civilization literally breaks down when there is a lack of kindness. Life as we know it depends almost 100% on people being kind to each other.

What is kindness, really? Read more →

Dealing with difficult people: Beware the soul suckers

April 17, 2020Kristin Zhivago

I’ve written about jerks before. I define a jerk as someone who makes life more difficult for others (nice people spend their lives trying to do just the opposite). But on the subject of dealing with difficult people, there is also a certain type of person who will suck the life out of you if you let them. They are not good for us, but for some reason we keep trying to work it out—to help them or “resolve” them.

Usually it is from some sense of obligation (which they definitely encourage), or a vow or promise we made in the past about our relationship with this person. Or, they are related to us or someone close to us, and it is very difficult to avoid interaction.

Whatever the reason, we stick it out, and over time they literally suck the life out of us. Read more →