Why are we here

Before I write a new article for Kristin’s Wisdom, I have an idea of what I’d like to write, based on interactions with people I help every day. I also check Google Trends and other SEO tools to make sure that there are enough people interested in the subject, who could be helped by the article. When I typed “why are we here” into Google Trends, this is what I saw:

And a related search, “why are we still here,” had its own strong interest level, as did “why are we still here just to suffer”:

So yes, there are people “out there” who are interested in the subject. 

The question is, what’s the real question? Or, put another way, what answer could give us a concept that we could actually put to work in a constructive way in our lives? Personally, I’m not that interested in any kind of answer; even a short journey down the “answer” rabbit hole in Google brings up an amazing variety of “non-usable” answers. And ChatGPT does the same, only in summary form: 

In other words, “It depends,” and there’s nothing much usable in that answer. It’s actually pretty unsatisfying. 

Personally, I think there is at least one very usable answer, and I’m going to describe it. 

It is, simply, this: 

We are here so we can love. 

We all have the capacity to love. 

Well, most of us do. There is a tiny segment of society, a very tiny segment, that cannot love. I fell in love with one of those people, before I met my husband, and that person taught me that there are people on earth with no conscience. 

Fortunately I finally moved away and began a new life, and later found my husband, and we were happily married for years, until the day he died. 

The other person, the man without a conscience, ended up marrying one of the most pure, innocent people I’ve ever known, a young woman whom he met because I helped him get a job at a place where I was working, and she happened to work there, too. He started dating her without ever saying goodbye (even asking me for relationship advice!), married her some years later, murdered her one night, went on the run. He was finally found again after his story appeared more than once on America’s Most Wanted, and he has been serving a life sentence ever since. 

I could go into the reasons why he was the way he was, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that there are some people who are incapable of loving, but that they are the very minor exception, not the rule. They may make the news, but they are not the norm. 

Again: Most of the humans on this earth are capable of loving. 

“Love one another,” was what a very unusual person said to his followers centuries ago, and he was right. Loving others is the most satisfying action one can take in life. 

Someone close to me sent me an article about co-dependency today; he was worried that he was “enabling” his partner, who has a drinking problem. But that’s not what I see. I see one person being as loving as he can to another person who is unfortunately rather determined to hurt himself by drinking too much. Yes, there are relationships that one must leave, as I did all those years ago with the conscience-less man.

One does have to stay clear of abusive jerks. 

But if someone in your life is simply having trouble, and you want to help, love is the answer. Love is the answer for so many things, even in business. 

What is love?

Love is quite simply “taking care of each other.” 

That’s all. 

Not trying to change the person, and definitely not trying to control the person, but just taking care of that person. Being aware of their likes and dislikes, their goals and their challenges, and doing what you can to accommodate them. 

When both people are doing that in a relationship, it’s the closest you can come to heaven on earth. No one is “giving up” part of themselves to please the other; every decision is made together, with no hidden agendas. Preferences are stated clearly and honestly; each person truly hears and appreciates what the other person’s preferences are, and, with sufficient discussion, they come to an agreement that they can both live with. 

Love is also patient. Some years ago I realized that “successful” patience is infinite. There is no “line.” 

Now, again, this does not apply to jerks and divas (people who make life harder on others). The best approach to jerks is to get as far away as possible, as soon as possible, because no matter what you do, or how hard you try, a jerk or diva will find a way to make the situation worse. 

If you are in a relationship with someone, and that person does have a conscience, and is also trying to make life easier for you, there is no line. Whatever it is, you can work it out. And, if things get really tough for the other person, and you need to take care of that person (say, as it did when my husband got “fatal” cancer, more than once), the “line” is nothing but an impediment. I learned the power of infinite patience in that situation, something that helps me in my life now, every single day. 

When we both love, we build a third entity, which you could call “our relationship.” The relationship becomes the priority. Not our own egos, appetites, or sensitivities. The priority is keeping the relationship healthy, which requires patience and care on both sides. 

Love is an amazingly powerful force. It heals, soothes, comforts, enriches, inspires, calms, and gives the recipient hope. Hope, and the strength to carry on, to strive, learn, and prosper. It is a muscle that gets stronger the more we use it. It brings people together, unlike hate or fear, which tears them apart. It keeps terrible things from happening and repairs the damage after something terrible does happen. 

Whatever we are doing, wherever we are, whomever we are with, love makes things better. And, in doing so, the “world” is made a better, safer place for everyone. 

That’s why we’re here: To make the world a better place. And the best way to make that happen is to love one another. 

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