Imagine a couple who fell in love, and stayed in love, for decades. But that feeling of being in love would be interrupted, to their deep dismay, by a pattern that kept repeating itself, for at least two of those decades, until the wife changed one thing she was doing, and then they never fell out of love again. True story.
Might you have a similar problem, in your romantic relationship, that is keeping you from being “in love” all the time?
My own experience has proven to me that a relationship roadblock usually consists of one of two things:
One person is keeping something from the other person.
One person is unable to recognize something within.
Let’s look at how these play out, and then talk about what you can do about them. Read more →
You have a choice. You can live a life where you are frustrated, unfulfilled, restless, bored, and basically unsatisfied. Or you can live a life where you can’t wait to get to work every day, your mind is active and intrigued, you are proud of what you accomplish each day, and you know that when your life comes to an end you will die with a smile on your face.
Obviously, we all want the second option. And yes, what happens in your love life has a significant impact on your happiness. But we’re focusing on your work life here. Most people spend at least 40 – 50 years of their life working, and if your work isn’t satisfying, your life won’t be that fulfilling, either.
But it’s not easy making the right career choice, for a number of reasons. You might:
Have so many interests it’s hard to settle on just one
Have started work in one industry or type of job, and now feel stuck
Wish you could change careers but don’t know how to go about it
I once was talking to my father, by then in his 60’s. He told me that he had decided that success in life is about balance. He didn’t elaborate, and we went on with our discussion, but it stuck in my mind. This discussion came to me recently when I thought about balance in tandem with another concept: You can’t cheat the system.
All of them. We live in a world of systems.
Your body is a system. If you overload it, by overeating or drinking too much, not getting enough sleep, and so on, there will be consequences. The consequences are often subtle and easy to dismiss, such as a headache or belly ache, slightly swollen ankles or a rash, or slowly thinning hair, dry skin, or brain fog. If you really overdo it, there is the morning after when you feel like there’s a hammer banging around in your head or your belly is insisting that you go back to bed. Read more →
According to Statista, about 40% of all first marriages in the United States end in divorce; 60% of all second marriages end in divorce; and fully 73% of all marriages end in divorce. Even the seemingly happy marriages, like the one between Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen, can end up on the rocks. When you fall in love and it ends poorly, it’s sad.
And yet, when two people get married, they are very much in love and convinced that their relationship will survive the toughest challenges. They vow to be there for each other, no matter what. So what happens? Why do people break up?
There’s really only one reason: they continue to be two individuals in a relationship, not realizing that there is a third entity that, if they paid attention to it and grew it, would make it possible for them to be there for each other, no matter what.
I think of that third entity as your Love Flame. It’s something you create, just between the two of you. It’s bright and shining at the beginning; if you both take good care of it, it will not only remain that way but it will become even brighter and shinier the longer you are together. There will be even more precious memories, even more situations to laugh about, and even more inside jokes that only take a raised eyebrow to set you both into fits of laughter, yet again.Read more →
It is possible to live happily ever after, no matter who you are. You might scoff at this statement, for all kinds of reasons, but before you dismiss this concept out of hand, let me explain.
Of course you need to have a way of supporting yourself and your loved ones. That’s a given. And you have to be comfortable with who you are and how you go about living. That’s easier said than done, but it is definitely possible. It’s even possible to eliminate stress from your life completely. Yes, completely.
Here is how to live a magical life.
1. Be good and do good. I recently attended the funeral for a beloved aunt. One of her sons, when he got up to speak, said that his mother said this to him frequently as he was growing up: “Be good and to do good.” Sums it up nicely. When you work on being good and doing good, life repays you with good relationships and circumstances. Things work out better for you than for those who have no interest in being good or doing good.
2. Avoid those who are not being good nor doing good. In our teen years, this is particularly difficult, but it does pay off. Spending even a few hours with someone who is not being good or doing good means things can go entirely wrong—and can literally ruin your life.
I’m surprised that so many people search for “What is happiness?” About 70,000 people a month are asking Google that question. What are they looking for? Do we not know when we are happy? Or, more likely, do we wonder how we can be happier?
As I see it, there are two kinds of happiness: a giddy emotion, and a comforting peace.
The first is fleeting, usually a reaction to a thought or an occurrence. The second is long-lasting, and can grow over time, to the point where you are always peaceful, no matter what is happening around you.
The source of that peace is truth.
There is so much evidence for this, on both the negative and the positive sides of the equation. Read more →
On one hand, I have clients who run solid companies and treat their people and customers well. On the other hand, I have friends of all ages who are working at or trying to get jobs at companies that are . . . well, crazy. Nonsensical. Chaotic. It’s often the largest companies that get this way, and it’s too bad.
Why does this happen? How can you make sure you are going to be working at a company that does things right?
What does “doing things right” even look like? I would be surprised, in the course of your academic studies, that anyone ever talked about this. But it’s really important! After all, you are going to spend a large portion of your day working somewhere, for years to come, and if you’re constantly fighting against chaos, you’re not going to be a happy camper.
I sincerely believe that our working lives should be as satisfying and soul-enriching as they can be; there is nothing better than spending the bulk of your day doing what you love to do, with people who support your efforts whole-heartedly. Read more →
Well, it’s been a good long while since I was able to write an article here. Those who know me know that my life changed radically on August 16, 2021. My husband of 45 years, my best friend, my every day and every night companion, died. He took his own life, even though on that day, as all days, we were still in love.
As he said in the note he wrote to “the authorities,” after battling cancer for 16 years, his illness finally had him in a corner. Unable to walk from one room to another without being completely out of breath, unable to eat (we were feeding him through a tube), and using oxygen constantly, he knew that even if by some miracle the cancer went away, his lungs were too far gone. Read more →
It is so easy to be fearful. The signs and thoughts of impending disaster are all around us, every day, on our screens and even in our own lives. Even as we do the simplest tasks, we worry. “What if I screw up?” is the general theme. There is also fear of loss, being alone, being broke, being sick . . . the list is endless, if you want to live there. But you can overcome fear and be a brave, positive person for your entire life, basically living happily ever after. How?
By simply doing your best, every minute.
After all, isn’t that the best you can do? And doesn’t that mean that, when all is said and done, you will look back knowing that you did the best you could? Yep.
What does that mean, though, in our day-to-day, real life? How do we put this into practice? Read more →
A deep, unshakable peace of mind comes from knowing who you are and being OK with how you see yourself. The surest way to upset that peace of mind, and to be in a constant state of mental turmoil, is to base your self-image on what others think of you. Or what you think others think of you. It’s like living your life in a perpetual “selfie state,” seeing yourself through their lens.
So if Mary is envious of your success, when you’re interacting with Mary you will feel like you are not worthy of that success. That you somehow cheated to get to where you are.
If Morgan is a liar, when you’re with Morgan, you will feel that you can’t be trusted.
If Sandy is super insecure, believing that she doesn’t measure up to others, when you are talking to Sandy, you will feel like you are somehow conceited and hurting Sandy’s feelings. Read more →