How to escape the procrastination and rationalization rut

How to escape the procrastination and rationalization rut

Kristin Zhivago

We only have so much time in this life. That’s a fact.

Most of us also have some life-long goals, things we want to accomplish before we aren’t here anymore. 

The obvious challenge is to meet those goals sooner rather than later because none of us know when our lives will end. That’s the big picture.

The day-to-day picture is that there are obstacles to be overcome before we can meet our goals. 

The most difficult obstacles are those we create ourselves. Every day contains several tests that we have to pass, and if we don’t pass them, we will be tested again and again. 

Procrastination and rationalization are at the top of the “toughest obstacles” list. 

Let’s look at the cause of each and then the cure.  Read more →

Dreams, Distractions, and Your Destiny

Dreams, Distractions, and Your Destiny

Kristin Zhivago

Dreaming about your destiny is a lot easier than fulfilling your destiny. It’s like preparing for a trip; you can imagine everything you have to do, making a mental list. But getting up from bed or that chair and actually getting it all done is something else entirely. 

Dreaming and distractions 

For starters, you need to be motivated enough that you don’t get distracted. While you’re packing your suitcase, for example, you can decide that you need a new pair of shoes for your trip, and you can spend the next hour and a half searching online for the perfect pair. In fact, buying new shoes for a trip isn’t necessarily a good idea; what if you realized, on your trip, only a short way into a walking activity, that those new shoes are digging into the back of your heels, making your walking activity an agonizing effort? Read more →

3 Ways to Make Sure You Live in the Present

3 Ways to Make Sure You Live in the Present

Kristin Zhivago

I have a very dear friend who is intelligent, has a great sense of humor, and is one of the most balanced and wise humans I know. But even she has trouble living in the present, which means that she is often stressed about the past, and, even more often, the future. 

Now, in her case, her father, whom she was very close to, died when she was a young child. This was blindsiding, with a capital B. This led her to be independent and proficient, which also meant that her happiest place was one where she felt in control. 

I can relate; my parents divorced when I was a month old, and I took the same path in order to make sure that I could depend on at least one person in my life (me). 

The problem is that we are not in control of everything in our lives. The future holds many surprises for us. And the past cannot be changed. (You can apologize if you have blown it—always a good idea, when you know you should. The sooner the better.) Read more →

Another stage of grief: Letting go of guilt

Another stage of grief: Letting go of guilt

Kristin Zhivago

The two-year anniversary of my husband’s suicide came and went this month. As I may have mentioned, he was never depressed in the 45 years we were together, but after several battles with “fatal” cancer, his lungs were so damaged that even if we did finally manage to remove the cancer from his body, he’d never be able to breathe normally again—or do any of the things that he loved to do. So he decided to end it all, and the day I heard the single shot and a thump as he hit the floor in his carpeted office was the day that changed my life forever. 

As I raced down the hall and saw my beloved husband, the man I was still completely in love with, lying in the entrance to his office, the emotions exploded and raced through me, from the astonishment at how careful he was to make sure he landed face down, so I wouldn’t have to see that face I loved mutilated by the bullet, to the tears and exclamations (“Oh God, oh God, oh God . . . ”), to the realization that there were two suicide notes carefully laid out on his office workspace, each inserted into a clear plastic holder. One for me, which I have since framed and memorized, ending with “I will love you forever,” and one for “the authorities” which explained why he did what he did and to “Please treat my wife kindly. She does not know this is coming, and will probably be in shock.” Read more →

Why are we here

Why are we here

Kristin Zhivago

Before I write a new article for Kristin’s Wisdom, I have an idea of what I’d like to write, based on interactions with people I help every day. I also check Google Trends and other SEO tools to make sure that there are enough people interested in the subject, who could be helped by the article. When I typed “why are we here” into Google Trends, this is what I saw: Read more →

How to be happy with yourself

How to be happy with yourself

Kristin Zhivago

I have a friend who can’t keep a job. Ironically, he is also incredibly hard-working, conscientious, and pleasant. The problem is this: he is subconsciously rebelling against authority, and sometimes he is the authority in his life, so he is literally rebelling against himself. This causes severe problems for him, to the point where he won’t show up for work for weeks, and he becomes extremely depressed. He does not know how to be happy with himself. 

Read more →

How to remove roadblocks from your romantic relationship and avoid having the same arguments over and over

How to remove roadblocks from your romantic relationship and avoid having the same arguments over and over

Kristin Zhivago

Imagine a couple who fell in love, and stayed in love, for decades. But that feeling of being in love would be interrupted, to their deep dismay, by a pattern that kept repeating itself, for at least two of those decades, until the wife changed one thing she was doing, and then they never fell out of love again. True story.

Might you have a similar problem, in your romantic relationship, that is keeping you from being “in love” all the time? 

My own experience has proven to me that a relationship roadblock usually consists of one of two things:

  1. One person is keeping something from the other person.
  2. One person is unable to recognize something within. 

Let’s look at how these play out, and then talk about what you can do about them.  Read more →

Making your career choice: How to know what to do with your life

Making your career choice: How to know what to do with your life

Kristin Zhivago

Making your career choice: How to know what to do with your life

You have a choice. You can live a life where you are frustrated, unfulfilled, restless, bored, and basically unsatisfied. Or you can live a life where you can’t wait to get to work every day, your mind is active and intrigued, you are proud of what you accomplish each day, and you know that when your life comes to an end you will die with a smile on your face. 

Obviously, we all want the second option. And yes, what happens in your love life has a significant impact on your happiness. But we’re focusing on your work life here. Most people spend at least 40 – 50 years of their life working, and if your work isn’t satisfying, your life won’t be that fulfilling, either. 

But it’s not easy making the right career choice, for a number of reasons. You might:

  • Have so many interests it’s hard to settle on just one
  • Have started work in one industry or type of job, and now feel stuck
  • Wish you could change careers but don’t know how to go about it
  • Have no idea what really would work for you

Read more →

Motivated woman resisting temptation of eating fast foot and choosing better diet

Life is about balance: It doesn’t pay to cheat the system

Kristin Zhivago

Motivated woman resisting temptation of eating fast foot and choosing better diet

I once was talking to my father, by then in his 60’s. He told me that he had decided that success in life is about balance. He didn’t elaborate, and we went on with our discussion, but it stuck in my mind. This discussion came to me recently when I thought about balance in tandem with another concept: You can’t cheat the system.

Which system?

All of them. We live in a world of systems. 

Your body is a system. If you overload it, by overeating or drinking too much, not getting enough sleep, and so on, there will be consequences. The consequences are often subtle and easy to dismiss, such as a headache or belly ache, slightly swollen ankles or a rash, or slowly thinning hair, dry skin, or brain fog. If you really overdo it, there is the morning after when you feel like there’s a hammer banging around in your head or your belly is insisting that you go back to bed.  Read more →