We own our diseases. “I have a cold.” “I am diabetic.” “I am insecure.”
Embracing these concepts doesn’t help us get past them. On the contrary, they become part of who we are, and we use them as excuses.
Yes, of course, if you have a cold and feel miserable and don’t want to pass it on to others, you behave accordingly. You stay at home. You stay in bed and rest.
But when things such as “stress,” “insecurity,” “lack of confidence,” or “triggers” infiltrate our sense of self, we become chained to them, limited by them, and weighed down by them.
Unfortunately, our psychology-driven culture wants us to wallow. “Tell me how that made you feel,” is the phrase that every psychologist uses to get you to talk about your stress, insecurity, lack of confidence, and triggers.
The longer you talk, the more psychologists prosper. It is in their best interest that you wallow in your suffering.
But this is not the road to a happy life. You will never reach your full potential this way. Your past suffering will keep you from shaking off the crutches and striding confidently into the future.
What you think about yourself is what others will think of you.
People who are insecure worry endlessly about what others think of them. What they don’t realize is that they can’t directly control what others think of them. Yes, that’s right. It is impossible. And you can waste your entire life stuck in this situation, making yourself and others miserable as you try to control their feelings toward you.
The way out of a life of misery is to focus instead on what you think about yourself.
If you take care of yourself as you would take care of someone you love, you will encourage yourself and forgive yourself. You will recognize your own strengths and weaknesses, and be able to chuckle at your weaknesses, even as you work on them.
There will be no “triggers,” because nothing sets you on edge. It’s all just part of the journey. You learn what you can from every situation, and you keep moving and improving. And, amazingly, there will be no stress.
Stress is a self-induced state that comes from self-hate. “I’m late. I’m always late. I’m an idiot. They will think less of me because I’m late. Where did I put my keys? I’m always losing my keys. Stupid!”
If this is how you talk to yourself, you are like a bad parent who constantly judges, complains about, and belittles their child. How can the child rise up when every time they turn around, someone who should be loving them is telling them how terrible they are?
You’re with yourself all day, hearing yourself think. If this is what you’re saying to yourself, you are literally making yourself sick. This is insecurity at work, and it is not your friend.
Quite the opposite. It is the enemy within.
And as you think of yourself, others will feel your self-hate, and they will agree with it. After all, you know yourself better than anyone else; if you think you are “less than,” they will, too.
So the way to gain the confidence of others is to be loving toward yourself. It is a journey, one that anyone can take.
The clear path out of insecurity
First, you need to recognize that there is no “vacuum” in our spiritual lives. There is no such thing as “nothing.” The thoughts in your head are either good or bad.
So your job—probably the most important job of your life, since so much depends on it—is to replace the bad with the good.
You could try to think of yourself more positively, which is a wonderful goal but very difficult to do when you’ve been insecure for so long.
The real answer, surprisingly, lies in gratefulness.
The minute you find yourself coming down on yourself in your head, decide to be thankful for something. It could be anything. Whatever comes to mind in that moment.
“Thank you for my eyes, which will help me find my keys.”
“Thank you for the warm running water that I can use to wash these dishes.”
“Thank you for this comfortable work chair.”
Being grateful for something in the moment puts you in the moment, rather than endlessly running in that negative hamster wheel squeaking away in your head.
You and the moment become one, rather than you and the moment being separated by distracting and life-sucking negativity.
Keep this up, and over time (interestingly, it won’t take long—we’re talking a few weeks), you will start to become your own best friend.
You will see your situation in a new light.
You won’t think of yourself as a loser, but as someone who is aware, accepting, and able.
And you will notice something else. The very people you want to like you will start liking you. They will even start to look up to you.
This is the beginning of your new life, one that is satisfying, rewarding, and fulfilling.
Bravo!